ALL ABOUT DEAN:

Ah, the memories! It's all we have now, and that is something I cannot get used to, but since it is what it is, this page will be about the beautiful memories of you.

My beautiful baby boy Dean, what a gift from God you were! I never knew a baby like you in my life. You were perfect from the start. How lucky your Mommy and Daddy were to have you, as well as Grandpa & myself.

I have since learned that you were loved by so many other people that I had no idea had been blessed with the beauty of you. I see the outpouring of love for you from them, and it breaks my heart all over again. You my beautiful angel baby boy touched so many in such a short amount of time, it is as we said, and you were an angel sent to us, albeit a short time. You were an angel long before we were aware of it.

We began to think you were "our angel" because you rarely cried as an infant, and still not often once you had a few months under your belt. You didn’t even cry when you were teething! You were all smiles all the time.  I remember Tor saying you needed your first Christmas present early and Neal agreeing, saying you wanted, no, you needed a swing! I thought they wanted it more than you did, but when I saw you in it swinging back and forth, with your little foot tapping to the beat of the country music station on TV that day, I knew you wanted it just as much as they had. You were as happy as could be to just swing and listen to music. Mommy and Daddy looked like they had been given the gift just as much as you had. All was right with the world.

And then came the devastating news that you didn't have the same bloodline as your Daddy Neal. We knew it was a possibility, but we didn't want it to be a reality. Your daddy loved you anyway; I know you knew that. He was in love with you long before you were even born, and he was a perfect Daddy. He was coming home to you and Mommy, but evil stepped in before he made it home and took the two of you away from him as well. He was left with scars so deep on his soul, and nothing will ever change that for him. He is here fighting for your justice with us, and you would be so proud of him. He was, and always will be, your Daddy.

 
I will always remember you trying to crawl, but you always went backwards! Your head was so heavy, it would tip you over. Once you got the hang of it there was no stopping you. You would follow your Mom everywhere, except when you came to Grandma and Grandpa’s. The minute you were put on the floor, you were off to find Grandpa. If he wasn’t in the kitchen, you would turn around and go straight to the office, never touching a single thing on your way, like most babies do. You would smile from ear to ear when you found him and crawl up his leg onto his lap and all was right in your world. Your Mom and I would peek in and laugh because Grandpa was explaining something on the computer to you and you were staring at the screen so intently, as if you knew what he was telling you. Oh, the plans he had for the two of you to do together; he had so many dreams.

 

Of all the memories I have of you, my favorite was the last month of your lives at the pool here. Grandpa and I would start looking for you, your Mom and Daniel by 9a.m. because we couldn’t wait to be with you guys. Once again you amazed me with your love of adventure. You were never once afraid to be in the pool; you loved it! I think you thought we were in a big bathtub together.  I can still see you swimming (with help, of course) from Daniel to Roy, and back.  I can see that huge smile when you were with your Mommy in the pool.  That last weekend when you learned how to splash, was the single most perfect weekend I have ever spent in my life.  Auntie Patti was with all of us that final weekend.  Thank God she took so many photos of you both.  When you understood it was your little hands that was making the water splash in Grandpa’s face, you squealed with laughter each and every time.  I remember saying to Patti,” that laughter is the most beautiful sound in the world; like heaven” No one escaped your splashes that last day.  I don’t know when I had ever seen you so happy; when I had ever seen Tori, Daniel, Patti, Grandpa and I so happy.  I said that day, “our lives are perfect; how lucky we are”.

 

Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have you in my arms today.  So many dreams, but none were of this horrific reality. I miss you, my little angel.  I miss everything about you.